If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
