i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
