"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
