My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She said her name was "party"
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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