look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
