Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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