I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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