1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
