Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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