plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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