is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize