the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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