I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
