Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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