...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
