the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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