I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
