Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
