On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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