Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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