I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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