margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
