Pants 0. Shit 1.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
True college students do jello shots in the library
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
