my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
