How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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