you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize