If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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