Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
