It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
