I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
