I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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