why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
