After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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