And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
