I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
