I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
