i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
