There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
