that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
