I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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