My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
