you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
