Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
