the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
