so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
