"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
