Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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