I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
