I'm gonna have a badass scar
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
