shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
