good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
