You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
