i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
