I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
