There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize