There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
