You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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