ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
