Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
