Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
