Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
