Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
