Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
