I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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