You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
