I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
