they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
