I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
